May. 18th, 2009 11:16 pm
jitterbug: (flowers - asian inspired)
may 18th, 2009. 104/365.
i took my last final tonight. the huge wave of relief i was expecting never arrived. i guess i burned out 2 weeks ago and have been running on apathy since. grades will be in a couple weeks.

ian and elly bought me a blackberry fruit tart as a little "congratulations" gift. it's cold enough for hot tea.

jitterbug: (art - chrysanthemum in blue)
 may 10th, 2009. 96/365.
+ lush from the UK coop arrived!

- today was horrible.

- i'm exhausted and skipping w4d3 of c25k today. will do it tomorrow. week 5 will be killer.

- when i come back from my run i'll work on a final paper for my biblical & classical backgrounds lit class. it's only 4 pages/2 sources but it's one of the more challenging papers i have to write because i have almost no background knowledge on the subject. i never took a classical or biblical lit class. i never read milton or dante or virgil or homer and never before did i have to examine lit from a biblical or classical perspective. my professor is an interesting man, passionately well-versed in the subject area; unfortunately, this is a high level english course and, perhaps justifiably, he expects students in the class to have a solid foundation to base their written work on. he doesn't teach, he guides. this class pokes directly at my weak spot -- anything written pre-19th century [shakespeare is an exception]. i feel compelled to justify myself, to scream that this is not my area of expertise, that i know far more about realism, romantiscism, naturalism, modernism, ---ism, but really, what an enormous weak spot it is.

- final assessment projects due tuesday. 18 page paper due on wednesday.

+ i'm not taking summer courses. 3 months of brain freedom coming up. perhaps i'll dabble into classics in my spare time.

+ my daughter is pure joy.


Apr. 23rd, 2009 08:59 pm
jitterbug: (art - kfh - further still)
  • after 20 months of sleeping through the night and many months of being able to soothe herself to sleep, sprout stopped self-soothing and also started waking up in the middle of the night. this is a whole new world for me and it's taking a toll -- i'm exhausted. a couple times over the last week i lost it completely and told sprout i'm turning her in for a refund.
  • one of my english courses this semester is incredibly challenging. the content is relatively approachable but the depth of critical analysis during class discussion is astounding. i find myself questioning my intelligence and feeling inferior to my classmates. i realize how petty that sounds but this is not something i've ever experienced before in an academic setting and i have yet to find a positive way to take this in.
  • my grandmother's mental health is steadily declining. i called her yesterday and found myself growing annoyed and making excuses to get off the phone. i know that my annoyance is not directed at her. it's frustration at feeling helpless at watching her brain slowly turn to mush. i really want to gather the patience to listen to the same story over and over again...
  • my mental health is steadily declining. i've been seriously considering going back on medication before all hell breaks loose but i'm not convinced that the price i'll pay [both literally and figuratively] is worth it.
dinner: i made a stir-fry with tofu, carrots, edamame, chestnuts, snow peas and a pineapple teriyaki sauce which tasted like ass. how does anyone mess up a stir-fry? i also made puff pastry with brie and strawberry jam; that, along with a glass of soy milk ended up being my dinner.

not necessarily in that order.


Mar. 24th, 2009 01:49 pm
jitterbug: (i'm angry - dead)
i think i need ritalin. instead of writing a response paper which is due in 3 hours, i'm alternating between eavesdropping on inane phone conversations my mom is having with her friends* and answering every question asked in every community i belong to.

*right now they are talking about the perils of living with one shoulder that is slightly lower than the other.


Mar. 10th, 2009 09:32 pm
jitterbug: (Default)
in the next 5 days i have to put together a great gatsby introductory lesson plan, write two 2 page papers and an 8 page paper, read "the joyluck club" and "the namesake" and top it all off with about 70 pages of milton. goodbye life, hello library.
jitterbug: (Default)
A-, B, B+.

i had the same exact grades last semester. 3.3 GPA rut.
for the amount of work i've put in in the fall '08 semester this is a rather disappointing display of mediocrity.
jitterbug: (Default)
*nye was lame. i picked up elly's stomach virus and spent most of the evening/night in the bathroom.

*on friday ian and i went to gobo for dinner. i had an appetizer of spring rolls with a spicy honey dip, and a small plate of vietnamese stir-fry [hot spiced tofu, red onion, bell pepper]. ian had new england rolls and a large plate of soy cutlets in black pepper sauce. everything was cooked perfectly; the flavors deep, clean, and fresh. i think i found my new favorite vegetarian/vegan restaurant.

*grades for the fall semester still aren't up, i know i got an A- in one class. waiting for two more grades.

*i need 3 graduate level english courses for my degree. csi is offering only 6 graduate level english courses in the spring -- two workshops (writing/writing about lit), an independent study course, multicultural lit, 19th century english lit, and a classics course. i registered for the multicultural lit class. and the classics which is taught by a professor whom i've had for 2 classes before. he's a quirky old man; knowledgeable and passionate about the subject matter. unfortunately, i find that he's incapable of engaging his students in a classroom setting. i'd love to drink a beer with him and talk shakespeare. i don't want to see him every tuesday night for 3.5 hours for 14 weeks.

*my dreamscapes should come with a movie camera. i dream kadain style, nightly.

*itching to go dancing.

*kristina and i are taking agnes to atlantic city for her birthday. it promises to be a corny good time of badly dressed senior citizens, the rainforest cafe, dingy strip-clubs, and hangovers. upon our return, i promise to reconsider my idea of a good time.
jitterbug: (winter blossom)
i'm getting drunk on red wine.
jitterbug: (good lost)
*eloise and i rock out to this song daily: eloise
barry ryan -- your hairdo inspires awe and admiration! WE LOVE YOU!

*tonight is my last class. i'll be teaching a 10 minute slice out a conceptual unit i designed for a secondary education ELA class. wish i had a zanex to assist me. instead i had 2 cups of strong coffee and am now buzzing like a live wire.

*what happened to snow in las vegas and 62 degrees in nyc? yesterday was a gorgeous unseasonably warm day, today is cold and grey. i'd think i have SAD but it's nyc winters that do me in. cold, snowy, calm winter days don't depress me at all. still, i wonder if we should delete alaska and minnesota off our potential places to relocate to list.

*after tonight's class, i'll have my brain to myself again. i'll have one last final on monday but i'm not all that worried about it. ah, so much free time to contemplate deep and profound things such as what i'll be making for dinner that night, how to get ian to wash huxley for me, where to find a 50s dress for the NYE party, and how many times i can get laid on any given day.

*holiday gift list thus far:
under here )

*still can't.stop.listening.to.death vessel.

*i need to find the delicate balance in sympathizing with someone's situation without absorbing it like a wet sponge.
jitterbug: (winter blossom)
i have 2 final project drafts due; one tomorrow, the other on wednesday. the homestretch is like pulling teeth.

somewhere between tomorrow and thursday i have to make the time to go grocery shopping. i was going to make 2 dishes to bringing to the in-laws for thanksgiving but it's looking like i'll have to settle for bringing just one. either roasted beets or brussel sprout hash.

i volunteered to deliver meals-on-wheels thursday morning before we head out to long island and i'm already wishing i kept my altruism in check and took the opportunity to sleep in instead. the previous sentence looks like it could use a comma.

my head is pounding. coffee and motrin for now. as long as this headache doesn't develop into a migraine i should have a completed lesson plan for "catcher in the rye" before dawn.
jitterbug: (kfh - further.still.)
chills. my skin hurts. puking. i've had a migraine, ranging from mild to severe, for the last 15 hours. the pressure behind my eyes feels strong enough to cave my face in. a short paper due monday; final project drafts due tuesday and wednesday. i can barely function with this head on. looks like my plan for a study day at the library isn't happening. fabulous.

at least i managed to get up with eloise at the ass crack o' dawn and clean the apartment. i might fail miserably this semester but at least every surface in the house is spotless.


Nov. 11th, 2008 01:29 pm
jitterbug: (Default)
last semester CSI blocked my registration and informed me that i owe them $507 from the spring '05 semester. after hours spent on the phone with bursar the stop was removed so that i could register. no one was able to tell me what i owe the money for or why it took 3 years for it to show up on my bill.

fast forward to this semester. the balance is on my bill. i can't register. my loan checks are placed on a "do not mail" list. this morning i spend 2.5 hours walking back and forth between bursar and the financial aid office.
- bursar doesn't knows why the checks weren't sent to me on october 22nd.
- bursar still doesn't have a clear explanation for what the $507 balance is, how it ended up on my bill, or why it took 3 years for it to show up.
- financial aid can't help me because their system does not go back that far [and i have to listen to a 10 minute rant about how it's bursar's job to figure this out].
- financial aid super secret special counselors are a staff meeting. indefinitely.

in so many words i'm told that even if they do figure this out, even if this is mistake, it'll take forever to investigate and clean-up. read: you are stuck paying this. sorry. have a nice day.

the woman i was talking to at bursar is holding my loan checks in her hands as she informs me that she'll be happy to break my balance into payment plans. she can do $100 a month. i tell her i can't do $100 a month, it's too much of a financial strain. how about $50? she says -- "well, you have all this loan money right here. why not use it to pay your balance?" it takes a second to process that this twatwaffle has now taken on the role of my financial adviser. i tell her that i don't think it's her job to allocate my money. she graces me with something between a fake apology and a smirk. more useless exchange follows. over and over she tells me how bad she feels for me in a tone of voice that connotes that "feel" is a word she periodically looks up in the dictionary in order to brush up on the definition. we say our goodbyes and as i'm about to walk away, she looks at me through 5 inches of dirty plexiglas and says -- "go buy yourself something cheap, small, and pretty. it'll cheer you up. have a nice day."

jitterbug: (Default)
this semester i'm doing my observation hours in the same high school i went to over a decade ago. when the AP of english asked me if i needed a tour of the school in order to get around, i told her i know my way around pretty well since i went to ft. hamilton. she asked me what year i graduated. i didn't think it was appropriate to tell her i'm a high school drop-out when she had 3 students in the office listening in on our conversation. on my way to observe a sophomore english class, it really struck me for the first time -- i'm a high school drop-out doing an MA program in secondary education. how did i get here?

on a different note, in one of my classrooms there are student made posters taped to the walls. the project must have been something along the lines of "pick a high school clique and make a poster illustrating all the stereotypes associated with that clique". goths, cheerleaders, jocks, skaters, and average girls are some of the groups the students picked.

the cheerleaders poster is my favorite. some of the character traits picked for cheerleaders are: "love pink", "stupid", "date jocks", "nice butts", "love brand name clothing", and "sluts".

i'm sure that after these posters were made there was a discussion about stereotypes. what i don't understand however is why these posters are proudly displayed on the wall. taken out of context all they are saying is that cheerleaders are dumb sluts with nice asses. what's next? perhaps a poster for jews stating they are all greedy? maybe one for blacks illustrating their love for watermelon?
anything will go up on a wall.

in a different classroom there's a bulletin board adorned with student poetry. the number of "their are" and other general spelling/grammar mistakes is abundant.

it really saddens me to see crap like this on display. the expectations set by teachers are so low that simply doing your work will earn you a gold star. who gives a damn about quality.


Nov. 5th, 2008 01:49 pm
jitterbug: (AinW)
last night i cried tears of joy. now i must return my regularly scheduled programming. 4-5 pages of field observation reflections due in 2.5 hours. i'm having a hard time switching gears.


Oct. 24th, 2008 01:34 pm
jitterbug: (good lost)
i've been in the library for nearly 2 hours and haven't yet started working on my paper. instead i made a holiday gift list for eloise and ian, chatted with alla, then typed up and promptly deleted a long rant about my social awkwardness.

if motivation was sold in pill form, i'd be the first in line.


Oct. 20th, 2008 04:01 pm
jitterbug: (spring/summer brooklyn)
analyzing the pros and cons of micro-blogging for an educational setting. i was only able to find a few people i know. need a larger sample for analysis.
please add me to your twitter list: honey_rider
jitterbug: (grrr.)
i'm running word 2004 for mac here and of course my professor uploads our assignments in docx format.

can someone please convert a few docx files to doc for me?


Jun. 9th, 2008 11:37 am
jitterbug: (cool.calm.collected.)
i finally gathered together the strength to check my EDD 602 grade. yea, that's the class for which i submitted what i thought to be the single worst academic paper i've ever written. it seemed so poorly written and incoherent that i couldn't bring myself to re-read it.

the final grade was pieced together from (response paper 25%) (final essay 25%) and (institutional analysis 50%). with an 82 and an 89 making up 50% of my grade, i was sweating rivers this last week. a C would get me kicked out of the MA program. a B- would blacklist me with the department. it didn't help that my professor's grading standards are far above what i've experienced in my 10 years of CUNY.

all that department of backstory bullshit aside:


i'm so happy i could cry.

this weekend was fantastic. we never went to sleep friday night -- spend saturday in a sleep-deprived half-daze -- dinner at kate's followed by courtney's birthday at grotto. it was 90 degrees outside which was still cooler than the inside of the bar; it was the walk (with chavonne and bianca) from grotto to our car parked on 10th and A that was the highlight of the night. i laughed until my face hurt and then i laughed some more. sunday i spent far too much money at buffalo exchange, we ate delicious vegan fast food at foodswings, and went to coney island for a few hours. it was hot enough to go swimming, i saw friends i haven't seen in far too long, and we made plans for canoing next weekend.

elly is just about ready to start walking. i look at her and my heart flutters with happiness. 2 weeks until her first birthday. where where where did time go? my love.

it's in the high 90s today. the apartment is a swamp and i hate running ACs all day. we are going to buy a beach umbrella and head to coney for a couple hours.
life is good.


May. 28th, 2008 08:16 pm
jitterbug: (grrr.)
i'm about to hit send on the single worst academic paper i have ever written. sadly, i put a good amount of work into these 12 pages. i don't know where i went wrong but reading over it, i know the end result wasn't worth the effort. it's bad. unfortunately, i was already granted an extension and now there's no time for rewrites. i need a B and i wrote a C paper. this is not good.

on the bright side -- it's over!


jitterbug: (Default)

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