May. 15th, 2009 10:44 pm
jitterbug: (art - horse)
may 15th, 2009. 101/365.
i don't know what freaked her out but this picture makes me laugh.
jitterbug: (art - chrysanthemum in blue)
 may 10th, 2009. 96/365.
+ lush from the UK coop arrived!

- today was horrible.

- i'm exhausted and skipping w4d3 of c25k today. will do it tomorrow. week 5 will be killer.

- when i come back from my run i'll work on a final paper for my biblical & classical backgrounds lit class. it's only 4 pages/2 sources but it's one of the more challenging papers i have to write because i have almost no background knowledge on the subject. i never took a classical or biblical lit class. i never read milton or dante or virgil or homer and never before did i have to examine lit from a biblical or classical perspective. my professor is an interesting man, passionately well-versed in the subject area; unfortunately, this is a high level english course and, perhaps justifiably, he expects students in the class to have a solid foundation to base their written work on. he doesn't teach, he guides. this class pokes directly at my weak spot -- anything written pre-19th century [shakespeare is an exception]. i feel compelled to justify myself, to scream that this is not my area of expertise, that i know far more about realism, romantiscism, naturalism, modernism, ---ism, but really, what an enormous weak spot it is.

- final assessment projects due tuesday. 18 page paper due on wednesday.

+ i'm not taking summer courses. 3 months of brain freedom coming up. perhaps i'll dabble into classics in my spare time.

+ my daughter is pure joy.
jitterbug: (art - horse)
i pulled eloise's dirty diaper off and said -- "let's go to the bathroom to wash up." i went in ahead of her; she follows me in a minute later, naked, with sunglasses on, screaming -- "SUNNY DAY!"

perhaps if she keeps up the entertainment this morning, i won't turn her in for a new & improved 9am-wake-up-time model.


May. 10th, 2009 06:54 am
jitterbug: (art - horse)
eloise woke up at 5:16am today, bright eyed and bushy tailed, asking for breakfast.

now i really wish i didn't stay up until 4am drinking rum & cokes and playing wii sports with ian, but she never gets up this early, ever. this must be her mother's day gift to moi. yay.



Apr. 25th, 2009 12:42 pm
jitterbug: (Default)
sidenote to self: eloise broke my memory card. all the pictures between the 20th and 28th were taken with a camera phone or other people's cameras when available. for some reason my phone won't let me e-mail the fone camera pictures to myself. everything between april 20th and may 4th is also posted out of chronological order.

april 25th, 2009. 81/365.

+1 )


Apr. 23rd, 2009 08:59 pm
jitterbug: (art - kfh - further still)
  • after 20 months of sleeping through the night and many months of being able to soothe herself to sleep, sprout stopped self-soothing and also started waking up in the middle of the night. this is a whole new world for me and it's taking a toll -- i'm exhausted. a couple times over the last week i lost it completely and told sprout i'm turning her in for a refund.
  • one of my english courses this semester is incredibly challenging. the content is relatively approachable but the depth of critical analysis during class discussion is astounding. i find myself questioning my intelligence and feeling inferior to my classmates. i realize how petty that sounds but this is not something i've ever experienced before in an academic setting and i have yet to find a positive way to take this in.
  • my grandmother's mental health is steadily declining. i called her yesterday and found myself growing annoyed and making excuses to get off the phone. i know that my annoyance is not directed at her. it's frustration at feeling helpless at watching her brain slowly turn to mush. i really want to gather the patience to listen to the same story over and over again...
  • my mental health is steadily declining. i've been seriously considering going back on medication before all hell breaks loose but i'm not convinced that the price i'll pay [both literally and figuratively] is worth it.
dinner: i made a stir-fry with tofu, carrots, edamame, chestnuts, snow peas and a pineapple teriyaki sauce which tasted like ass. how does anyone mess up a stir-fry? i also made puff pastry with brie and strawberry jam; that, along with a glass of soy milk ended up being my dinner.

not necessarily in that order.

jitterbug: (baby - coke)
eloise was playing alone in her room for 10 minutes. i could hear shouts of delight coming from her room and i wondered what she could be enjoying that much since she never plays with her toys. i walk in to find her happily digging her fingers into my brand-new, just-bought, never-used skull shadow box and painting herself, her furniture, and her curtains.

she had her eye on this shadowbox since she noticed it in the bathroom days ago.

i'm riding the train between incredibly irritated and thoroughly amused at how cute she looked with eyeshadow all over her face.
jitterbug: (art - jump)
looking over my journal, the last month or so consist largely of 365 photos. i haven't been feeling focused or inspired enough to write and it makes me a tad sad. despite feeling wearisome and overwhelming on both academic and personal fronts, march has also been filled with wonderful moments that i would like to be able to look back on. school really does eat my brain. every week i read hundreds of pages of various fiction and non-fiction texts and write about 10+ pages in papers and projects. i find myself without time to read for pleasure and turned off at the idea of touching a pen and/or keyboard unless absolutely necessary. bah.

it's been a rather lazy 3 days.
on friday a couple friends, eloise, and i spent the entire day at the korean baths, soaking, steaming, and exfoliating. while trying to get eloise down for a nap in the sleeping area, a pregnant korean girl struck up a conversation with me. she was personable and sweet but a few comments she made left me dumbfounded. she has a 3 year old son and is due in may with a girl. she went on and on about how beautiful eloise is, and that aside from good health she's really hoping her baby will look just like eloise -- big eyes, long eyelashes, and eyelid creases. this was followed by a chat about her husband's height; at 6'2 "he never feels the [silent] competition that all korean men feel around white men". she also inquired about breastfeeding, leaning toward me to whisper that she was young and selfish when she had her son and chose to formula feed because she heard that breastfeeding will make her boobs sag. she had a c-section with her son and asked me if i had eloise naturally [vaginally]. she's going for a vbac with her daughter and asked me if her vagina will get really stretched out after giving birth. i didn't mind the birth/breastfeeding questions but i have to admit to being more than a little surprised by them because of her age. she was 25. i think my agespectations [it's a word now] need to be reexamined. as for the other comments, well, those served as an unpleasant reminder of the extent to which the idea of dominant western beauty still impacts our society. in 2009, in queens, a korean woman who's lived the last 10 years in the US wishes her daughter could be born with physical characteristics pertinent to a different race. sad. after we left the sleeping area and went back down to the baths, adge told me that to this day, whenever she visits the philippines, her well-off grandparents chase her with an umbrella in order to assure that she won't get a suntan and look like a peasant.

saturday morning i woke up with eloise and took her to her music together make-up class. eloise is in love with the saturday morning instructor. she sits on her lap during the class [she doesn't sit still for anyone. ever.] and hugs her non-stop. after class she asks seung-hee to pick her up and she'll stay in seung-hee arms forever, happy as a clam. she starts crying when i try to get her dressed to leave and seung-hee has to stand by her side while i dress her. when she's dressed and ready to go, seung-hee has to carry her outside and say bye-bye. it's cute and heartbreaking at the same time. after the class i took eloise out for breakfast and we took a walk around the neighborhood. she into pointing out every single animal she sees, real or a window display, so it takes a looooong time to walk 10 blocks. we came home, i put her down for a nap and took a 4 hour nap myself. for the rest of the day/evening i was a permanent fixture on the couch.

today ian let me sleep in. we went to 2 boots to get lunch, came home, and i settled right back into my butt imprint on the couch. i finally feel like i'm starting to unwind and it's back to monday again. joy.

i'm looking forward to spring break.

march 22, 2009. 46/365

eloise at two boots; a morsel of food rests on her ear.


jitterbug: (Default)
march 4, 2009. 28/365
my beautiful sleeper.

sprout is going through a word explosion. in a matter of 2 weeks she tripled her vocabulary.

last week ian and i were joking around and i said something along the lines of "don't be such a douche". sprout, who was playing 5 feet away at the time, turned to us and said - "douche!?". the next day when my father took her out for a few hours he called me and announced that eloise keeps asking for a shower [doush in russian]. i had a good giggle over that one.

the other day, at the park, sprout and simona had fun collecting sticks and bringing them over to the bench marina and i were sitting on. they'd lug a bunch of sticks over, put them on the bench, and eloise would proudly state - "dicks!" before running away to find more "dicks" for her collection.

hearing profanities from the mouth of a toddler cracks me up. looks like i'm going to mom hell.
jitterbug: (Default)
march 2, 2009. 26/365.

today eloise walked from the house to the hardware store where we met up with sashi and agnes and bought a sled. then, we walked from the hardware store to the park down by the water. after a few rides down the hill, eloise had a complete MELTDOWN. she fell asleep in my arms on the way from the park to panantico. in retrospect, i should have known that 2 hours of walking around and playing in the snow would be too much for her. we should have taken a long walk OR played in the snow in the park 2 blocks away. she felt much better after having milk and cookies at panantico. we walked home in about 15 minutes [usually a 7 minute walk] and she conked out right after dinner.


Feb. 20th, 2009 11:53 am
jitterbug: (art - walking through the woods)
eloise is dusting the furniture. with my scarf. which she dipped into my cup of coffee.

...she's now trying to dust huxley.
he's not amused.
jitterbug: (akh - woods)
it's really frustrating to deal with sprout when her cognitive abilities far exceed her verbal skills. i spend a good portion of our days trying to decipher what it is that she wants while she grows annoyed, screeches, whines, and recites her entire vocabulary hoping that one of the words will end up communicating her desires.

words: mama, daddy, no, yea, doll, baby, apple, banana, cat, ball, car, eye, nose, water, picture [dooda, wth.], bath, and a bunch of animal sounds.

signs: mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, milk, cracker, book, boat, train, plane, bus, bike, cereal, juice, banana, water, eat, sleep, pajamas, shoes, socks, coat, hat, sorry, thank you, please, dog, horse, cat, fish, bird, diaper, wash hands, soap, bath, all done.
i think there are some more i can't remember.

we really need to get the next couple of volumes of baby signing time. it's a sanity saver.
jitterbug: (good lost)
*eloise and i rock out to this song daily: eloise
barry ryan -- your hairdo inspires awe and admiration! WE LOVE YOU!

*tonight is my last class. i'll be teaching a 10 minute slice out a conceptual unit i designed for a secondary education ELA class. wish i had a zanex to assist me. instead i had 2 cups of strong coffee and am now buzzing like a live wire.

*what happened to snow in las vegas and 62 degrees in nyc? yesterday was a gorgeous unseasonably warm day, today is cold and grey. i'd think i have SAD but it's nyc winters that do me in. cold, snowy, calm winter days don't depress me at all. still, i wonder if we should delete alaska and minnesota off our potential places to relocate to list.

*after tonight's class, i'll have my brain to myself again. i'll have one last final on monday but i'm not all that worried about it. ah, so much free time to contemplate deep and profound things such as what i'll be making for dinner that night, how to get ian to wash huxley for me, where to find a 50s dress for the NYE party, and how many times i can get laid on any given day.

*holiday gift list thus far:
under here )

*still can't.stop.listening.to.death vessel.

*i need to find the delicate balance in sympathizing with someone's situation without absorbing it like a wet sponge.


Dec. 13th, 2008 11:52 pm
jitterbug: (kfh - further.still.)
this morning: eloise was in bed with us watching iggle piggle on my macbook. ian was half asleep.
me - "eloise, you've only been up for 15 minutes and you've already seen 7 birds!" ian [as he turns onto his other side, eyes still closed] - "yes eloise, your bird to waking hour ratio is incredibly high." ha.

this afternoon: we put up a christmas tree, decorated it, and were standing back admiring our work when the damn thing suddenly toppled over. three ornaments broke - one store bought generic one and two handmade ones ian and i painted for eloise last year. we agreed then that we'll keep making 2 ornaments a year for her, one from me and one from him, as a little family tradition.

seeing the broken glass on the floor really killed my mood. we bought a new stand and redid the tree. it looks pretty... yet all i see is the 2 empty branches. i keep thinking up symbolism that doesn't exist, wallowing in harsh predictions. ian keeps asking me to tune down the crazy.

sleep now.

jitterbug: (sheeep)
ian is sleeping with huxley at his feet. eloise is watching baby einstein's neighborhood animals. i'm about to make some coffee. perhaps we'll walk to panantico and pick up a few bagels.

the only words out of elly's mouth lately are -- "dooda" [this refers to the process of someone lifting her up so that she could touch a piece of artwork on the wall] and "no!" everything is no. no no no. if she wasn't cute, i'd put her up for adoption.

mmmmm, pasta sauce.

the yarn from the purewool coop is here.

the green/mauve/whitish one will soon become a longies/hat set.

later today eloise is getting dropped off at my parent's house. i have a 3:30 haircut appointment in mothereffin'williamsburg. while i'm somewhat ashamed to admit me that i go to the depth of hipster hell to cut my hair, lilypad is the only salon i know of that is affordable, consistent, and glam-free.

kristina's surprise birthday party is tonight. it appears she has no clue of what's coming. i'd probably loose my shit if anyone ever did this to me, kristina however, she will love it. when ian and i were in providence, we browsed through a seconds and oversells book store. it was there that i saw thrift store paintings and said to ian, "we have to get this for kristina!" we didn't, but once this party thing started taking shape, i kept thinking back and wishing i bought the book. i looked for it on-line and couldn't find a single new copy under $50. weeks after we came back, i called the store in providence to see if they still had it in stock. they did and i had it mailed to me for $28, shipping included. it's a perfect present for k.

in other random bits of info -- ian set up an an etsy shop. i think he's a brilliant artist but this is like selling umbrellas to a fish. actually that's a really bad analogy. it's nothing like that. i can't think of a better one though. it's like selling a pair of socks to a centipede? i've been try to convince him to have a neighborhood art"gallery" opening in our apartment.

speaking of our apartment, we got our lease renewal. first and foremost, they're raising our rent 6%. we are a rent controlled apartment in a coop building. the most they can raise us is 4.25%. i'll call them on monday, but we are done here regardless. we need to move out of this crazy building [and we need a second bedroom]. out by february 1st.

finally, chinese democracy. it's so over the top i can't help but like it. most entertaining review* -- reviewing chinese democracy is like reviewing a unicorn

*although i disagree with the final grade and would lower it down to a B.


Jun. 4th, 2008 05:59 pm
jitterbug: (grrr.)
up for adoption:
1 stinky, food-stealing, shedding mutt
1 cranky, stinky, whining baby


my brain is about to ooze out of my ears.


jitterbug: (Default)

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