Apr. 23rd, 2009

.

Apr. 23rd, 2009 08:59 pm
jitterbug: (art - kfh - further still)
  • after 20 months of sleeping through the night and many months of being able to soothe herself to sleep, sprout stopped self-soothing and also started waking up in the middle of the night. this is a whole new world for me and it's taking a toll -- i'm exhausted. a couple times over the last week i lost it completely and told sprout i'm turning her in for a refund.
  • one of my english courses this semester is incredibly challenging. the content is relatively approachable but the depth of critical analysis during class discussion is astounding. i find myself questioning my intelligence and feeling inferior to my classmates. i realize how petty that sounds but this is not something i've ever experienced before in an academic setting and i have yet to find a positive way to take this in.
  • my grandmother's mental health is steadily declining. i called her yesterday and found myself growing annoyed and making excuses to get off the phone. i know that my annoyance is not directed at her. it's frustration at feeling helpless at watching her brain slowly turn to mush. i really want to gather the patience to listen to the same story over and over again...
  • my mental health is steadily declining. i've been seriously considering going back on medication before all hell breaks loose but i'm not convinced that the price i'll pay [both literally and figuratively] is worth it.
dinner: i made a stir-fry with tofu, carrots, edamame, chestnuts, snow peas and a pineapple teriyaki sauce which tasted like ass. how does anyone mess up a stir-fry? i also made puff pastry with brie and strawberry jam; that, along with a glass of soy milk ended up being my dinner.

lost.
book.
sex.
bed.
not necessarily in that order.


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